Have you ever pushed the day so far, that by the time you are ready to get ready for bed you are exhausted and about to fall asleep while brushing your teeth? You stumble, zombie like to the bed, turn off the lights, and then plop down with all hope you will be asleep as soon as you hit the pillow. But then you feel something odd, sharp and cold and immediately you know it does not belong in your bed, what is that? Then once in your hand, even though you cannot see it, you know it is a Lego. How did this get in here? I am sure it is just one…..oh, no wait, and as you move around more start to gravitate towards you, yes there was a Lego project built in this bed at some time today! For me, this happened last night and my only option was to turn on the lights, find all the Lego’s and ensure my bed was once again back to normal. And then lie in bed for the next ten minutes trying to think of when during the day that could have happened?
This then got me thinking about funny stories of things that ended up not where they should be…Here are a few of my favorites.
Not my day at the airport:
I used to travel a lot, and had a system all planned out to breeze through security. My normal lap top case was fine for back and forth to the office but not really for travel, I needed one with rollers and more room when travelling in order to take more stuff and to keep my shoulder in tact. Since holiday travel was more expensive we rarely made any trips from Thanksgiving until about after the new year. But right away after the 1st of each year it would pick up again with a vengeance One January I had an early flight to Denver, it was Monday travel to the airport was packed. I had my airport security routine down and this time was no exception, I was ready to be screened and on my way. I went to grab my shoes when a male and female TSA agent asked me if the laptop bag in his hand was mine, since I had not seen my bag come out yet, I said no, but then looked at it closely and said, “wait, yes it is” the female agent was already pissed, at me, at the world, at him I was not sure, but she was in no mood for games. She said something along the lines of “Yes, No, which is it?!” to which I responded, “Yes, sorry I did not see him pick it up” this is when I was asked to follow them “aside” why they call it “aside” I am not sure, because it really seemed more like a staged area where everyone in line could get a good look. This is when the male agent asked me if I had a knife. WHAT? A knife, no I didn’t have a knife. I was asked if I was sure, and if I packed my own bag, and then if I was sure about 5 times while he put on the gloves and carefully dug around. He did not find a knife and they screened it again. This is when he asked me again if I was sure and said he was sure there was a knife in there. I asked him if he wanted me to dig around since I was sure there was not, this is when he grabbed onto something, I heard some baggie crinkling around and he pulled up over his head, like the scene from Psycho a large butcher knife and said “I am pretty sure this is a knife!” Just then a flashback hit of November, my birthday, my husband and the kids brought a cake to the office when I returned from my last trip, we teased him about why he bought such a big knife to cut the cake and he said it was the only one he could find in the grocery store. What was worse is the knife was still covered in red icing from the cake!! I had cut the cake, handed out pieces, wrapped the knife in the baggie from the store and put it in my lap top case, not wanting anyone to get hurt with it, and of course intending to take it out as soon as I got home. I was trying to explain all this while the whole airport was starting me down mortified. I was laughing and sweating at the same time. I cannot help but laugh at the worst times. The guy believed me, especially when he looked close and noticed the icing. The female agent was even more pissed, she gave me a lecture and said I was lucky I was not going to get arrested, but then she proceeded to outline my options for the knife. Since the first option was they could throw it away, I jumped on that option but she insisted on telling me all the other options. (Which were take it all the way home, or go off airport property and throw it away, or have someone come pick it up and get re-checked in) I just wanted her to throw it away, but she wanted me to pay for my stupid mistake with my time. All and all it turned out WAY better than I thought it would, but still, knife in the laptop bag in the airport is NOT GOOD! But funny later.
What do you have in that purse:
This happened more than once, and I became known and Marry Poppins because there could at any time be anything in my purse, especially if we were meeting out of town. What do you need? Umbrella, in there. Lozenge, got a few flavors. Hand sanitizer, come on too easy. Shout stain remover, of course. The list went on and on. But there were always a few unexpected things down at the bottom. At one particularly stressful meeting out of town, when we went to break (way past when we should have and needed to) one of the guys asked if I had any Tylenol, which of course I did. I reached in and knowing it was going to be at the bottom I had to pull a few things out first, a scarf, gloves, lotion, snacks….at this point the guys teased me a little bit and asked if I was going to pull out a lamp. Lamp no, but what I did pull out we all needed at that moment, a Yoda Lego, a hot wheels car, a small plastic pirate sword and finally the Tylenol. I decided to line up all the things in my purse that did not belong, just for fun. Everyone got a good laugh and said I should have pulled that stuff out earlier when it was tense.
Keep it in your pants:
Oh this one was the worst! I held a meeting once because something had been done completely wrong over the weekend when I was off work. I was trying to be serious and reprimanding but overall just letting them know they could have contacted me, since they were unsure how to handle that particular situation. Like most in management I had a blackberry with me literally every where I went, day and night you could get a hold of me on that stupid thing, it is the thing I miss the least. But in those days, it was on my hip at all times. There were about six people in the conference room, sitting at the table and I was standing up, by a board where were were outlining the options, decisions and alternatives. When I got to the decision point where it went wrong, they started discussion how they talked among themselves and did not know exactly what to do, I wrote on the board that this was they time they should have called me, and I wanted to exaggerate that point, so I pulled my blackberry off my hip and lifted it up and said “You can call me, I have this on me at all times” and suddenly realized the tension was a bit much, like the blackberry clip was caught on something, as I looked into their faces I could tell something was wrong, I looked down and the clip was caught on my underwear! Yes, my skivvies were right up above my hip with the phone in plain sight!! Everyone completely broke out into laughter , I was so embarrassed. The meeting was over, there is no where to go from there. If I had not done so many off the charts embarrassing things in my life, this one might have broke me. Even worse it happened again about two weeks later, at least that time I was by myself! I can laugh this one off now as well.
So that gets me to dinner tonight. I had no idea what to make, nothing sounded good. So I made crescent roll tuna melts. They were pretty good. Tuna had just mayo, pickles, onions, fresh dill and a sprinkle of garlic and celery seed. Then cheddar cheese and the rolls. Served with some veggies and that was about it. Have a good evening and I hope you got a little chuckle out of this post.